How to Stop Looking at Porn on the Computer

I have more confidence in the next generation whenever I get done meeting with Wendy. She is delightful 17-year-old who has her own unique style, writes quirky poetry, and is editor for her school's literary magazine.

She also happens to be struggling with a pornography and masturbation habit.

We've met together for the better part of a year. She's doing better, but unfortunately still struggling. She's so sincere and motivated. She keeps showing up and doing all her homework. It inspires me.

When she starts to get down on herself, I remind her: "I'm dang good at what I do, and I'm struggling to figure this one out just like you are. But we haven't failed. We just haven't completely succeeded yet!"

Doesn't mean we're approaching the process wrong; it's just the nature of this struggle sometimes. We're still playing detective, looking for what's leading her to falter, exploring why her craving mindset is so insulated from her wise mind, and trying to address those issues as we identify them.

The fact that her treatment has taken a while has given us the chance to discuss quite a few of the tools and techniques that I've found to be helpful for other clients over the years. The fact that she's an editor has led her to pare down my wordy material into straightforward stop-drop-and-roll type steps.

She was nice enough to let me share the document with you:

When you feel the trigger…
Thoughts to look out for:

• “I’ll just do_____, I won’t actually get all the way to______”
• “Just one time isn’t a big deal.”
• “The consequences won’t be that big of a deal. It’s worth it.”
• -ack of thought. Just Action.

Be especially careful when you feel like A SLOB:

• like Avoiding something
• Stressed
• Lonely
• Overwhelmed
• Bored

How to avoid acting on temptations:
Shift modes

• Accept: “Oh, good. A chance to practice mastery.
• Breathe: A few nice, full breaths.
• Notice: focus on specific sight, touch, and sound.
• Vision: picture an image that captures the feeling of freedom
• Choose: now that you are free, make a choice (hint: choose freedom)
• Surf the feeling

Accept

• Recognize the thoughts for what they are.
• Don’t fight the urges, let them come on, but don’t succumb to them, either.

Become a scientist:

• Where do you feel it?
• How much time did it happen for?
• Observe, observe, observe.
• Reach out to others
• Call up someone and groan.
• Tell people what you are doing online, and how long you will be doing it for.
• Just talk to someone.
• Make any sort of human connection to fulfill that need.

Stick to Dr. Jeff Robinson's 2 out of 3 rule (always do 2 of these when online)

1. Someone is in the room who can see the screen.
2. Tell someone what I am doing and when I will be finished.
3. Stick to your white list (agreed upon safe sites)

Keep perspective.

• Picture 8 year old and 13 year old Wendy, and how much you have grown
• What would I do for a child that age who was in need. (Wouldn't give them sex!)
• Go in the conference room with the sad little part of you that gives into temptation
• Think of what other options you have. There are options.

Surrender the temptation

• Pray.
• Know that you are too weak to fight on your own, ask for help
• Turn to the scriptures

Delay

• Set a time that you can mess up at
• Prepare for that time with previous steps, reading, praying, etc…
• If you mess up at that time, let yourself. Delaying is the point.

Attach an ordeal

• Do after messing up if you have to, but eventually try to make it before.
• Do the dishes, or ten jumping jacks every time you mess up, or before you mess up.

Imagine

• Imagine the sensation after messing up
• Imagine yourself messing up (not the actual process, just pretend it already happened)

What to do after you mess up:

• Keep a journal 
• Record ups and downs,
• Record emotions before and after mess ups.
• Tell someone
• Within 15 minutes, let someone know you messed up.

Remember:

• It’s a bump in the road, not a wrong turn.
• Don’t stress, as stress goes down, so will mess ups.
• Christ has already won the greatest battle, anyway. If you’re doing well, 
• celebrate that. If not, take solace in it.
• Keep a playful attitude. It’s like a game. Satan doesn’t get humor. It is a 
• freedom of mind. He isn’t a free being.
• Progressing slowly and the problem not going away look similar, but they’re not the
• same thing!

Try:

• Going through the first few actions in the process of messing up, then stopping, to prove there is an exit option.
• Make a paper chain, string of beads, etc. marking successful and unsuccessful days.